Today is Mother’s Day

My least favorite day of the year for many years now.  A day that should be about honoring my mother and the women in my life that have taken care of me and built me up.  But for the last couple years this day has been about mourning.  Mourning the fact that I wanted so badly to be a mother.  And now that the good Lord has blessed us with a little baby growing away, I am still sad.  I am sad for all those women out there that desperately want to hold their baby.  All the women that are in the midst of crying out “why not me?”  “When will it be my time?”  “Will it ever be my time?”  I was that woman for so long and I just don’t think I’m over that hurt yet. 

I know wonderful women in my life that continue to struggle with infertility and my heart breaks for them today.  I know that there are many women that will sit in a church service and see all the mothers being honored today.  (For what they deserve to be honored for!)  But nonetheless, they will sit there and their hearts are breaking.  It is an awful, awful feeling.  And I just want those women to know that there is someone out there that knows that hurt.  And I mourn with you.

A long journey

Joe and I have been together a LONG time.  In September we will be celebrating our 14th wedding anniversary and it'll be 22 YEARS since our first date.  (Wow that's crazy!)  To say that I am blessed with a wonderful husband is a HUGE understatement.  We are happily married.  We enjoy each other's company.  We laugh at each other.  Life is good.  But there's been something missing.  We've wanted to expand our family for years.  

We decided in 2005 that we would start trying to have a baby.  Or at least stop trying not to.  After about a year of trying, we did get pregnant but unfortunately that ended in a miscarriage at 5 weeks.  We continued to "try" on our own for over a year with no success.  In late 2007, we decided to go to REACH (Reproductive Endocrinology Associates of Charlotte ).  We did a multitude of tests and we were diagnosed with Unexplained Infertility. There was nothing "wrong" with us - a blessing and a curse.  The doctor thought the IUI (Intrauterine insemination) would be our first & best form of treatment.  After 2 unsuccessful cycles, I was exhausted - emotionally and physically.  So we stopped.  

Years passed.  We would go through times of frustration and questioning but all the while trusting in God's plan.  What God's plan was... we had NO idea.  We discussed adoption.  We discussed more invasive fertility treatments.  We discussed the fact that maybe having a child wasn't in our plan.  And then we would go for a long time and not discuss it all.  

At the beginning 2012, we hit our wall.  We're not getting any younger and it was time to make some big decisions on what our family life is going to look like.  We began researching our "options" again.  I made another appointment at REACH.  I met with some Moms that had been through adoption and discussed that process with them.  We were searching for what God's plan for our life was - praying for direction - praying for a sign.  A week before our appointment with REACH, a good friend of ours heard about a clinical study at the Women's Institute (another fertility clinic in Charlotte).  The study was for couple's that have been trying to conceive for longer than a year (CHECK!) and between the ages of 25-40 (CHECK!).  The clinical trial was analyzing three different fertility meds along with IUI's.  Four cycles for FREE!  We went through the pre-screening and we were accepted in the study!  At this point the ball was rolling fast!  We were accepted into the study and 2 days later I started taking the drugs.  

The first cycle went great!  Everything was measuring just like they wanted it to.  The actual procedure went very well and by the end of February we were in the 2 week wait.  On March 12th we went back to the Women's Institute for the pregnancy test and we got a POSITIVE!!!

We have prayed for God's will be done in our lives and we know that we have been blessed with so many prayers from our family and friends on our behalf.  There is no doubt in our minds that this is God's plan for us. He wanted this specific baby for us.  This specific time.  It's been a long (and hard) journey to get to this point.  But a blessed journey.  We could not be more thankful.

At this point we are at 9 weeks and over the moon excited about our little Bean growing in my belly.  We know life will change in 7 short months and we are excited about that change.  We have been blessed to be surrounded by so many friends and family that are wonderful Moms and Dads.  Joe and I have had the opportunity to watch you transition from a couple to a family; to observe your different parenting styles; to watch your lives change as you've become a parent.  And we thank you.  We have so many sweet, sweet children in our lives that we love and are so excited that you'll get to love on ours soon!

baby Leischner @ 6 weeks